Sentence makeovers: But what does it mean?

You know those sentences that you read through once, maybe even several times, and still have no idea what they’re about? Well, here are some of our favourites, together with a plain English translation — what we think the writer was actually trying to say.

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An industry body (article in a business magazine):

Today’s chartered accountants have the ability and competence to identify and pull together the strengths and resources of any business, from an entirely unique perspective.

Translates as:

Today’s chartered accountants can help businesses succeed.

A local body’s website:

Councillors are appointed to committees, They make decisions on city-wide issues and activities and to plan policy on delegated fields of activity. A field of activity is a specific activity or function, which the committee has responsibility.

Translates as:

Each councillor is appointed to a committee with a specific responsibility. The committees make decisions and plan policy for the city.

A public health organisation’s consultation report:

Proposed interventions will be prioritised and introduced in a phased manner so that they are effectively managed.

Translates as: 

We will make changes gradually so we can manage them better.

A testimonial for a business writing course [not one of ours!]:

Based on the content of the [description] course, I was able to confidently advice [sic] senior management that the employee’s interpretation should prevail (& why), and that as an organisation we needed to be more careful to avoid giving rise to ambiguity in such circumstances, and how this can best be achieved.

Translates as:

The [description] course has helped me in my job. I endorsed an employee’s interpretation (of a contract) and advised my managers that we need to take more care.

A lawyer’s letter to building consultants (and property owners):

I have been able to counter this argument with my own expert evidence to the effect that the [organisation name’s] failures have meant that water has been able to enter the building at numerous sources thereby resulting in the full remedial costs needing to be expended.

Translates as:

However, our experts can testify that water has leaked into the building in various places. This is because of [name’s] failure. (Someone) will need to spend (some idea of sum) to fix it.

An education minister’s speech:

“I think the education sector needs to be mindful of the need to be forging very strong long-term relationships with Asian counterparts for research and student exchange and joint degrees.”

Translates as:

The education sector needs to link with Asian universities for research, student exchange and degrees.

A memo from a US newspaper executive to staff:

This is called ‘pilferage’ in our business; but more plainly, it is theft, pure and simple.

Translates as:

This is theft.

A notice for a public lecture:

Staff and students of the performing arts within the university liberal arts context are increasingly familiar with, and demand, a creative and practical learning experience, ‘writing’ as much as ‘reading’ their subjects. At the same time, there is an increasing research and development articulation of the ‘creative economy’, ‘creative’ occupations and ‘creative industries’ within society as a whole. How might ‘creatives’, both within the universities and the performance professions, more conscientiously help evolve paradigms and practices for teaching, research, and occupation?

Simple answer: by communicating in language that anyone can understand. Especially ‘creatives’.

An educational consultants’ website:

[Organisation name] is committed to profiling and celebrating the expertise and innovation in our learning community by gathering and co-ordinating the sharing of information about quality learning experiences. This is an opportunity to promote and recognise good teachers in our area as well as effective practice in classrooms.

Translates as:

Teachers in this community are willing to give workshops or visit schools to share their experiences.

Official education-standards guidelines:

Students credited with this unit standard are able to demonstrate knowledge of listening techniques, and apply listening techniques in a specific context.

Translates as:

Students can listen.

A management consultancy’s website:

This service gives our clients the flexibility to ramp-up project resources as and when they are needed, while growing and retaining their internal capability to an optimal level.

Anybody’s guess what the service does.

Internal memo, public health organisation:

This, though, focuses purely on communications outputs — and often has little bearing upon the effect of that communication n the perceptions of stakeholders.

Translates as:

Staff are just producing documents with no concern for what readers might think.

Touche!

View complete collection of 'Makeovers'

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NOTE: Original samples presented as they appeared in print, including any flaws or quirks of grammar, spelling and punctuation. It is not our intention to name and shame anyone for their less-than-perfect use of English. So we have generally obscured the names of sentence authors or public figures referred to.